Mystery of the Lotus Flower

My early childhood was spent in a house in Lalitpur, UP India, which was on the shore of a huge water pond (Talab in Hindi) called Raja Mansingh Talab, little smaller than the river, but very deep and larger than any usual pond. Many temples were situated all around the shore of it.  Many accidents & deaths used to happen in that huge talab as it was so deep and had water snakes, crocodiles and what not and on one far end, it had a huge swamp full of water weed and lots of Pink Lotus flowers. 

    Lalitpur - Religious Celebration on the temples around Raja Mansingh Talab at night

    Lalitpur - Temples around Raja Mansingh Talab

I lived in that house near temples since I was 6 years old till I was 9. The temples & talab shore were my playgrounds and some of the priests knew my father and they knew I was his daughter. Often I used to play with my younger sister & brother there in the afternoons after coming back from school and my favorite activity was to sit on the back of the Durga Temple and look at that far away swamp where there were so many Pink Lotuses. For hours I used to stare at those lotus flowers without having a sense of time or my surroundings. 

    Pink Lotus

After evening Prayers/Arti in the temples, devotees used to get some Prasad (sweets offerings) and I often went inside the temples just to see if there is a Lotus Flower as some devotee may have offered that to the Goddess/Deity and if I see one I used to ask the priest to give me that as Prasad instead of sweets or fruit, but rarely I got any. Then I used to stare at them from far for hours. Flower sellers used to sell very few lotuses that too around 4:00 AM in the morning at temples opening time. It was very difficult and dangerous to get to that swamp to get those Lotuses. When I did not get any then the only thing was to just go at the back of the Durga Temple, sit close to the edge of the Talab and watch them from far. My fascination with them kept growing and I just wanted to be as close to them as possible and wanted to have some really bad. 

When I was 9 yrs old, one afternoon I just couldn't stop myself and decided to get down in the water and go to that swamp so I can pluck some lotus flowers. I did not know swimming and had no idea how will I reach there. But I was determined, so I slowly got down into the water which was up to my chest and slowly I started walking. Every step I was scared thinking that there might be snakes and what if crocodile comes near me and what if that swamp just swallows me, or if I get stuck there and so many people die in this Talab every year. So every step I was fighting that fear within me but my eyes, my gaze was locked by those flowers and I kept walking. It was as if those lotuses were calling me. Then I arrived at that swamp and I realized that I am sure going to get stuck and will be late for back home and my mother is going to give me a real harsh punishment today. So I tried to walk faster, water depth was above my waist but the water there was muddy and dirty and water weed was entangling in my feet and twice I felt as if water snake just crossed and touched my legs. Continuously struggling to find some ground beneath my feet, I fell into that swamp and almost drowned, but then I was more worried about my parents scolding me if I went late or with dirty clothes, I hurriedly somehow stood up and again started walking. Finally, after more than an hour of walking, I reached the closest bunch of Lotus Flowers, I tried to pluck one and realized it has a very long stem and it's hard to break them. After much struggle, I managed to get 3-4 lotus flowers and I felt so happy as if I have got the whole world. I was extremely happy. After taking few breaths I realized it's getting dark and I need to get out of this swamp and talab, but the moment I turned my back and looked around I realized I couldn't see the shore, I did not know which direction to walk back and I became really worried thinking that my parents are definitely going to beat me today. So whatever came to my mind I just started walking back with flowers in my hand and after one and half hours I entered home with my face, hairs and frock all dirty, drenched in water, I even lost one of my slippers in the swamp, the moment my mom saw me she got towel and cleaned me and to my surprise did not scold me. Then I realized there was a search going on for me as it was more than 4 hours that I was missing. 

So this was the height of my mad fascination with Lotus Flowers and I did not know why there was such a strong bond and love I felt for only those flowers. No other flower I found that magical.  

Now in 2009, I moved from Iowa to Florida in the USA. It was spring time and my first day in the small town Lake Mary near Orlando. That town is full of ponds and is one of the most beautiful places to live. It was my first day in office so I was driving to my office and on the way, I saw a pond full of same Pink Lotuses. I immediately put the break in my car and stopped it in the nearby parking. It was around 8:45 AM and I thought I still have 10 minutes to reach the office, let me just go to that pond to look, after all, it's been a lifetime since I saw Pink Lotuses. I was very happy to find some in Florida and it was my first day in Florida, overall it was a very happy day for me. After parking the car, I almost ran towards the pond and watched lotuses in complete awe, stood there for a couple of minutes and then I came back to my car. When I turned on my car the time displayed was 9:25 AM, I thought what the heck, I looked at my wrist watch it displayed 9:25, I checked my phone and it was 9:25. I took a deep breath and sat there for few minutes to understand what just happened? I only stood there watching pink lotuses for a moment, a couple of minutes may be, how did 40 minutes went by and I did not realize at all. I just couldn't believe. 

I kept wondering whole day while working in the new company/office that I joined that day. In the evening when I was driving back it suddenly occurred to me that "I went into Trance and that's why I lost the sense of Time & Space" and instantly I realized that since childhood Pink Lotus flower was actually pushing me into the Transcendental State. Hence the reason I was so mad, so fascinated and so madly in love with them. 

From 2011, I was walking my spiritual journey consciously. Then in 2016 when Self Realization happened I realized I became a Lotus Flower as the Sahasrar/7th Chakra blossomed full blown as a Thousand Petal Lotus. 

Universe was sending me reminders in such a beautiful manner through pink Lotuses all along in my life. Even when I had a body like a child, Universe knew the Soul and created such a magical bond between me and the Lotuses, so I do not forget ever what did I came here for, why I had this human body and why this is my last life. The pull of this pink Lotus was the pull of Divine/SELF within me, as me, it was a calling within me all along. Real lotuses around me were just the symbols. I could have lived anywhere else, but no, Universe arranged my life around Temples only, first in Lalitpur and then in Mathura, Vrindavan where Yamuna River shore was full of pink Lotuses.

Finally, I learned and am living the Secret of the Lotus Flower. 

And just recently in May 2017,  I realized that this thousand petal Lotus Flower holds a really shiny jewel on the top middle of my forehead which keeps me showered in its light. Never before I felt the lotus flower so divine with beauty beyond words. Eyes open or close all I see is that Divine Light and that fountain of light which emerges from that Jewel. 

The search for Lotus flower ended and so did the mystery :-)

~ Adiguru

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Renunciation, Grace & Choice!

When I was around 14 yrs of age we were living in a small town Lalitpur in UP, India. My father was a doctor, ENT Surgeon in the government hospital there. In the summer time when schools were closed on May 15th, 1989 a Super fast train Karnataka Express was derailed just on the outskirts of Lalitpur. More than 9-10 coaches of the train came tumbling down from the bridge over the small river. It was a really horrible disaster and everyone in the town was going there to help and when I learned about it, I just wanted to go there to help too, but my parents understood what could be there so they strictly denied and said it's not a place for children, and went there without taking me on the first day. So second day when they were out there, I went to my convent school's Mother & Sisters/Nuns and I saw them gathering supplies for Red Cross. I told them please admit me in Red Cross right away because I also want to go there and help. Mother Jude looked at me as no other kid was there, it was summer vacation, but somehow she said OK, you can help us distribute these water bottles and they took me in the van with them.

    Image Source - Web/News

When I reached the site of the train accident, what I saw I couldn't have ever imagined in my wildest dreams. Train coaches were scattered, were upside down as if toys lying here and there, two coaches were on fire, a ton of black smoke, dead bodies, burned, with limbs, without limbs, blood, flies, crows, vultures around, people screaming, crying, people's clothes soaked in blood. Few coaches got electric current passed in them when the speeding electric train broke the connecting wires, so some bodies were electrocuted, some fell into the river and their bodies were swollen. There were dead kids, their shoes with blood, many toddlers orphaned, people couldn't find their family, most of the bodies couldn't even be recognized, identified. So many injured were crying out loud looking for their family members and finding their bodies. Police and Hospital staff set up the makeshift morgue to put all bodies that they found around and in the Train coaches and were continuously pulling out. Many suitcases with costly sarees & jewelry were lying open as the train was coming from South India, Karnataka and was full of many wealthy people, families.

It was a highly devastating sight and very painful one showcasing the Dance of Death with utmost cruelty! I was making my way by crossing over the bodies and limbs around to get to the injured and give them water to drink and see how else I could help as I learned the entire first-aid from my doctor parents.

The first day when I was there, I was very angry at God, and painful and asked the question within myself - How can God do this to these people? Does God even exist? Why people are even born if everyone has to die? Why did I born? I was questioning my very own existence. The devastation, pain, and misery around me were just too much to take in and numbed my mind, made me thoughtless.

The second day that I was there, another question was echoing very loud within me, over and over again - Why should we live, if everything has to end so abruptly, suddenly? Why do people gather so much wealth when it's of no use, they died suddenly and left all their valuables which look like garbage now? I couldn't stop thinking that many people were going for celebrations and were about to meet their families & loved ones in Delhi, many had family members waiting at home to return. But NO! No one reached where they thought or planned for, instead hundreds around me are just lying burnt or electrocuted or butchered not even to be identified by their own family members due to the horribly distorted body. I had so much pain within me seeing the FUTILITY OF LIFE. This was my INITIATION into RENUNCIATION. It seemed Death is the Only Truth that exists, all else is just useless, false. How does that matter who and what one has when Death one day will end everything so cruelly? The bare naked truth of Death, Pain, and Misery was in front of me, that too in the incomprehensible amount.

The third day I was helping everyone there with super speed, I suddenly found the energy and speed thinking that I will die too and it could be tomorrow or any moment, so I need to get everything done really fast and today. I need to help these injured but alive ones and stop thinking about all those dead ones. In my past 40 years of life, people around me always wondered and questioned me why I was so short of patience (that's how they saw it) and why things couldn't wait? And my parents were seriously annoyed for the rest of their life due to my "sense of urgency" in everything that I did or wanted to do or wanted to happen. The sense that "I am mortal" took deep roots in me and after that day, I just lived in TODAY, NOW and there was no time to ponder or hang on to the past and no time to worry too much about future, no too much thinking, just doing whatever was in front of me that day, that hour, that moment. I excelled in everything that I did in a very short amount of time, without knowing what is fueling all outcomes, what is giving me the energy to keep going. It was that realization of "being mortal". It never let me hold on to yesterday, on to the past in any way and it did not let me procrastinate or dream about some future for which I may or may not even be alive. Letting go everything of yesterday, of past became my living practice.

After 3 days I couldn't eat, sleep or even cry and had a high fever and couldn't go there anymore. My parents scolded me for going there and not listening to them and they tried hard to make me cry as they thought I went into shock. But no I wasn't in shock.

That pain was consuming me but my burning questions needed answers, my focus was on my questions. I wanted to know what is this drama that we play whole life when death will take everything away from us. Why people born? Why should I live? This life is totally meaningless and death is the ultimate truth. After few days I asked these questions to my father and he thought that train accident had a deep impact on me and he said don't think too much about it, a human body is mortal, everyone who is born will die one day but Soul lives forever. But that answer didn't satisfy me. I asked him to get me Vedas, Purans, Gita, Bible, Koran, Torah everything that he could as I wanted to know, I was restless and needed answers. He got me everything and I started reading, within 3-4 months I was done with the reading and realizing that I still couldn't find my answers.
Because those answers couldn't be grasped by the mind, by reading, such existential wisdom is meant for experiential reality. But I never stopped asking those questions until Enlightenment happened.

I lived my life in so much pain, pain that couldn't be described, couldn't be attached to anything particular.

Before this train tragedy whenever I used to go to Hospital to my father I used to see sick and poor and dead around me and always I felt as if I could mirror their pain as is in me and I felt so painful that I used to write poetry after seeing all that, poetry full of pain, stories full of pain of life. Even the tree shedding it's leaves in autumn seemed so painful to me. The cause of my pain was "separation" and it is the biggest "illusion/Maya/ignorance" that we live in and it cannot be removed until it becomes our experiential reality through Enlightenment or Self-Realization. No matter how many Guru's or Religious, Spiritual scriptures tell us that "It's All One, we are in Union always", there is no way to mentally grasp it or understand it. Our perception has to change to bring it to reality, so we can live that Union.

Now the Pain that this train accident caused was seen as a curse by so many people around me who went there to help because it made them experience such horrible things and many became fearful and paranoid and some were haunted in their dreams for more than a year. I did not become fearful, I wasn't holding onto the dead or injured, I was holding onto my questions. I did not go into any depression as pain in me was pushing me to find the answers. I became true renunciate by heart and accepted my own mortality and started living from that. So this pain that I went through for so long was a GRACE bestowed upon me to show me the "futility of living life in a mundane way, gathering so much material wealth, losing love & compassion and choosing greed, choosing fear and not love to live life, constantly keeping oneself busy with mundane and refusing to look at the big picture" and all these became the foundation for my life and spiritual journey.

Grace is not just the good results of our efforts. Grace is also our capacity, the capability to make those efforts. Grace is the ability to see the choices and make the right choice. I could have gone into fear and mental imbalance after experiencing so much pain of that train tragedy, but it did nothing like that to me, instead transformed me, gave me the tremendous amount of powerful pain and forced me to ASK the Questions and LOOK for the answers, that everyone in the human body should be asking themselves and should be finding answers for. I chose that pain and looked at it as grace and became a renunciate in just a few hours. Since then, I owned houses, cars, relationships, but nothing could ever own me at all, I could leave everything behind in a moment, I had no fear of losing anything at all including my body. Kindness and Compassion were the only conditionings that happened to my mind. I discarded all bookish knowledge, so called religious rituals and practices, and wanted to have Direct Experience of Life. Belief systems couldn't take place in me. I became fearless in everything I did, like playing, catching snakes or climbing mountains or speed driving. I was very clear about the fact that "I am going to die one day, so I will not die every day in fear at all". I chose to live fully every day before that one day/moment of death comes to me.

All this was a very powerful way of living, living from the heart fearlessly, full of love and compassion. Neither keeping past/grudges/issues in my heart instead forgiving people quickly, nor keep dreaming of some rosy future, rosy life, lofty worldly or spiritual goal. After this incident I could never see the life, the people around me in the same way and realized that I need to put myself in their shoes in order to understand them because everyone's life is full of Pain. And on the other side, that pain kept pushing me to find answers so I can not only eliminate my pain but other's pain too. Helping others became my motto, as I realized life is hard, cruel and death is the ultimate truth. I lived in the world but never belonged to it, I was in the world but was outsider there.

So grace could be bestowed upon us in so many ways, pain is grace too.

Here is the link to that train tragedy news and pictures for curious & courageous ones.

- http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/karnataka-express-derailment-shows-indian-railways-basic-infrastructure-remains-inadequate/1/323468.html

Do not click on this link if you are a chicken by heart, as it has some really disturbing pictures.

Whatever it is that life is throwing at you, you could turn it into Grace by making a Conscious choice. Grace is always there, you have to let it work. Life has many possibilities and we have to choose which possibility we want to bring to reality and that's how we create, we write our own destiny. We can choose Love over Fear. We can choose Pain over mundane temporary pleasures of life. We could choose freedom over temporarily comforting beliefs systems of our society. We could choose the strength of our heart over living in fears. We could choose strong will power to survive anything in life over depression and mental imbalance.

It's our choice!

When we choose Fear, the bad astrological predictions, bad possibilities become our living reality. I could have chosen fear instead of pain as I was just a child/teen and could have lived with depression for many years to come. I could have chosen that horrible scene to dream horrible dreams. I could have let that train tragedy destroy me in so many ways. There were so many possibilities. But I consciously chose pain, pain as a Grace. I accepted that Pain and accepted that it is meant for something else which I do not understand now and I was OK with being miserable within, instead of surrendering to Fear. I refused to accept fear! And that choice changed the whole outcome as I am living here today in front of you as a WHOLE BEING. Not broken, not emotionally or mentally fractured, not fearful, doing everything with love and compassion, helping others without any expectations. Then will you say I made the wrong choice? Because I lived for 25 years in indescribable Pain until my Enlightenment. Just imagine how me choosing fear at that time would have turned out? Who or what it would have made me? What it would have done to me? Possibilities were so many, right? But we all have a choice ALWAYS. Any situation, event, person, circumstance in life always shows us so many possibilities and gives us many choices. It's up to us what we choose.

When one loves oneself, he/she will accept Pain rather than being fearful. Love over fear is a choice. And it's not necessary that choosing Love is going to be very comfortable, soothing for you. Love and Fear are the two sides of one coin. Self-Love is not about rejecting pain and always looking for comforts, easiness, peace. Self Love is the love for and love of your own Soul/Atma and could bring tremendous amount of unexplainable pain, could stir one's life very deeply. That pain could help one evolve, fear only makes devolution happen, it's a waste of time and life-energy. Choosing a difficult path than surrendering to fear is what makes us evolve and be wholesome some day. Letting fear consume you is easy, gathering your will-power and choosing pain, Self-love is difficult. But you can see how it can transform one for good forever. And this is not a one-time choice, we make that choice every day, it's a fight every day.

Just see what choices are you making in life and what your past choices have done to you. How many times you gave into your Fear? How many of your life choices were made out of fear? How many decisions you took to stay in your fear? And see what all it has gotten you into. Do you have PEACE in your heart when you sleep at night? Do you have really truthful, sparkling, smiling eyes? Are you joyful within? Do some retrospection and make the necessary changes. Living unhappy and dying unhappy isn't a good thing.

~ Adiguru

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Love vs Awareness/Pure Consciousness - Highest Degree of Polarity

We often talk about different polarities that exist in the world, in the Universe. Like Masculine & Feminine, Dark and Light, Pain and Pleasure, Low and High etc. But do you know what is the highest degree of polarity? 

It's Love (as in emotional love) Vs Awareness (As in Pure Consciousness).

Love vs Awareness is the highest degree of polarity that exists. They are exact opposites. Love needs something outside of you and Awareness is the absence of that outside object. Love is outgoing energy, Awareness is simply inward. Love needs two, Awareness stands Alone. Love is a relationship, Awareness is the absence of all relationships. Love means Happening, Becoming, while Awareness means simply Being. 

Now the most paradoxical thing is that without going towards Love one cannot return towards Awareness. You have to be deep, madly in love with the other person. Love demands possession, however subtle it may be. But the other cannot be possessed. So by loving one learns to dissolve the tendencies to possess one way or the other, frustration goes all-time high, one disappointment after the other have to be faced. Slowly this teaches you "freedom" as you have to "let go" every day one thing or the other, all desires have to fly out of the window as they are not being met and will not be realized. The more you free your beloved, the more freedom you yourself experience. One boundary after the other has to be broken. Love starts burning you with its high intensity. The face of the lover starts reflecting you. If they are happy, you feel happy, if they are sad you feel doomed if they cry your world comes to an end and seeing them smile time stops for you, your heart skips a beat every time your eyes meet your beloved. It's like looking at the reflection of the moon in a lake and trying to catch it, immersing into the river fully, digging into the bottom of the river only to find that moon is not there. Reflection of the Moon is not the real moon. Love is that Lake, it's simply reflecting the Moon. Lover becomes the medium of that reflection. Love forces you to die every day in bits and pieces, lose your ego, your mind, yourself bit by bit until NO MORE of YOU is left. 

After such a terrific journey of Love one realizes that Moon is not in the lake and looks UP! There! Up there he/she sees the moon in the sky, the real one. So all the disappointments, discontentment that happens in love OPENS up the door to the Awareness. And then one dies fully. One arrives home!

Those who have NOT loved anyone deeply, madly have not even found the reflection of the Moon, forget about finding the Real Moon. Those who have not loved have not known what Devotion is. Devotion is the highest state of love, it is that unconditional surrender where one accepts to keep dying in bits and pieces until one is no more. So Love is necessary to attain perfect Awareness, perfect Stillness. It hurts, it's painful, but then what is the use of this life and body if it has to be saved, caged from the pains of Love, from the hurts of life. 

Most people love the other just little bit, very safely, so as to not lose themselves fully. Such people do not put everything on the stake to lose. Those who are scared to love and are saving themselves from the pain and hurt will not find Divine. They do not want to let their ego, their mind die and till the time ego/mind are alive there is no place for Divine. Then the death of body will impact them real bad and they will be fearful of it. If the death of ego/mind happens before the death of body then one becomes immortal, realizes the true nature of Soul, embodies Divine/Pure Consciousness/Christ Consciousness and we call them Enlightened/Self-Realized. 

Fortunate are those who have someone to die for, someone who cannot be possessed, someone who they can never get, someone through whom their Love will reach the state of Devotion, someone to learn the last lesson of life. These are the one's sitting with their one foot in Divine Door and are on the path of Bhakti Yog (Devotional Union). Unfortunately, in most of such fortunate people the fire of love within dies before it can be converted to Devotion. So there may be Millions in Love but not everyone will know devotion. Not everyone has the courage to put everything at stake, not everyone is willing to Do or Die, Truth or Dare, play in black & white, many will compromise with the hundred shades of gray in between. Some of such Lovers will agree to play the game of building a boundary through marriage, rules of society. Once possessed Love dies, slowly after few years again the same loneliness fills the heart. Only one in a Million gets a love that cannot be possessed, the fire of which never goes down, time cannot defy the intensity and there is no such thing as compromise or boundary or rules of society. Hence only one in a Million is Enlightened.

So Love vs Awareness is the highest degree of polarity but one has to go through the fires of one to attain another. It's the same with Dark and Light too. One has to see the extreme of Darkness and burn in it in order to be Light. It is the same with every polarity. One never moves from one extreme to the other, instead one has to MERGE both! Love means possession and Awareness mean freedom, that's from where all the other polarities are born. 

This is the reason Love is regarded as the highest of emotions, highest frequency, the highest vibration that can cross all dimensions in this Universe BECAUSE it's in POLARITY WITH AWARENESS. It's the DOOR to DIVINE. 

Not a very pleasant one though, but he who has not walked through the hell will never reach the heaven either. One has to die (death of ego/mind/Jeeva) in order to be reborn, resurrected.  

~ Adiguru

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Oh c'mon I have changed! Really, Seriously?

When you are walking Spiritual Path consciously it is very important that you understand the difference between "Change" and "Transformation" and focus on Transformation and not change.

The word "change" itself means it can change, can change back, it's a continuous process, it is a movement which is mostly due to changed circumstances, events in life. If you have someone around you who expects you to behave in a certain way you will change yourself accordingly when you are around that person. Suppose you are a compulsive talker and a person whom you like is a quiet one, then around him/her you will change yourself to stay quiet, but the moment you are away from him/her you will be back as a chatterbox. If a person around you is Spiritual and doesn't involve himself/herself much in the useless mundane then just to stick around with them you will listen to their Spiritual talks and will ask questions accordingly, but the moment you are away from that person you will be back to your mundane and useless world as you belong there and that's who you truly are. If you are with a Truthful person, you will try to be truthful, but the moment you are with others you are back to your throne of lies. In a nutshell, you become like Chameleon, who will change color according to the circumstances and will adjust for the time-being but very soon will be back to the Original.

When this Original goes through an "irreversible, radical change" then it is called as Transformation. Transformation is not continuous, it is not a process, it happens once for a kind/type and it's done. It's like how a Larvae becomes a Butterfly and once it becomes a butterfly there is no going back, it cannot become Larvae again. It cannot go back to the cocoon and be pupa again. Transformation is not a process, it doesn't take long, it can happen in a moment, in the blink of an eye.

Change is an activity by your Mind, while Transformation happens through increased Awareness, it's a permanent change in Consciousness. Change is like modifying the architecture of a building, but Transformation means changing the building blocks itself. The mind is unstable, the mind is clever, and mind keeps on moving like a pendulum and will cause misery. By changing yourself you will not find Peace within, because the moment you change you are under a lot of pressure to not change back to your old ways, to your so called adopted originality. When you are Transformed you are at Peace because the change was not circumstantial, it wasn't forced from outside, it is permanent and there is no one inside you to fight against its stability. I have heard many saying that - I changed so much due to life, due to circumstances, for him or for her, but still there is no Peace, no comfort within. Yes! true! how can there be? Because you are changing yourself and not transforming yourself. You are changing yourself according to society, according to your friends, family, relatives, loved ones.

When external circumstances are "causing" the change then the moment those external circumstances changes to something else you will change again, so there is no permanence at all, no peace in your heart.

A lot of you come to me claiming that you have changed, yes I agree you have changed your way of life because you found new concepts of living, you found something that excites you more now, you found something which seems more important, meaningful, purposeful to you now. But within yourself, there is a constant struggle to not go back to your old ways and you want to make those external circumstances permanent, which is not going to happen in this ever-changing world. So you are continuously at war with yourself, your inside plane is a battlefield and fight is always on. Therefore despite changing yourself, you are not at peace.

And when you are so busy changing yourself, you are also busy either expecting or really trying to change others around you. It becomes a hyper-reactionary world, causes more misery, more suffering. Next time you try to be chameleon see if it is truly, deeply making you happy? Learn to notice and see the futility of your chameleon efforts.

So then, how should one go through Transformation? How to make it happen?

First and the foremost thing is to acknowledge and accept the way mind tries to be clever and forces you into the change according to the circumstances. Witness it, accept it and let it go. Stop being a chameleon!

Second and the last step is to increase your Awareness, by changing the quality, level of your Consciousness which cannot be achieved without achieving the Meditative State. Hence there is so much focus on breathing practices (Pranayama), Yoga, just to cultivate the Meditativeness in you. You cannot be meditative just by sitting and closing your eyes and focusing on Mantra or Yantra or music or something else. Most people need some Pranayama for few months or years before they can actually begin to truly be in the meditative state. So start somewhere from some practice and see where it leads you. Not everyone has to go through every step in the same sequence, it's a very personal and unique journey and steps given to you by your Guru/Guide are just for you, don't go on re-prescribing them to others around you.

~ Adiguru

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Quality of Pure Consciousness: Awareness

One quality of Pure Consciousness is Awareness. And every moment (or whatever smallest moment of time one can refer to) it is Aware of what needs to be done perfectly, but the next moment doesn't have the awareness, memory, record of the very previous moment. This is totally opposite of how mind executes life. Mind executes life from the memory of previous moments only, Mind cannot function without the storehouse of memory/experiences. There is no PRESENT moment for Mind at all, it's a UN-ACHIEVABLE STATE for the mind. Only Awareness have access to PRESENT moment because Present Moment Doesn't exist in the Time Dimension, it's beyond time and space. Time is always fleeting, every nanosecond is fleeting, and Mind keeps track of all that went by, passed, over. That is how the mind works. But in order for life to function, one needs only Awareness, which keeps one rooted in NOW, rooted in Present Moment, which is a STILL STATE, NO MOVEMENT of time, No Fleeting moments at all. The State of NOW, which is a state maintained by Awareness and Not by the mind. What is meant by Living in Now? The mind needs to dissolve, merge, in order to experience Now, in order to let Awareness take control. And it's not that people do not experience this state when Awareness takes the control of life and Mind is dissolved, or immersed and loses its existence, many experiences this state often, intense love, intense sexual orgasm is one such state. But yea all those are momentary and one looses them before one could understand anything about it. On the other hand, if the absorption of mind, happens as a result of intense meditation, or due to any of the Chaitanya Samadhi, then it's prolonged experience. Since my Enlightenment, a countless number of times, I have stayed absorbed in Absolute Consciousness (Nirgun Brahm) or Nirvikalpa Samadhi, and I have got accustomed to living life simply through AWARENESS. The Longest one was right after Enlightenment for 72-75 days and then NOW only NOW is there for me, nothing else. What do I lose by living with Awareness and not the Mind? Memories! It's not that I have forgotten everything about my life, my choices, my habits, and about my past, but No New Memories are being created because life is being lived in EVERY MOMENT. When I live in every moment, what is the need to record them, recall later and enjoy or sulk over them later? Express accordingly and Live in that very moment itself, and be done. Awareness is the Quality, Tangible Manifestation of Pure Consciousness. Sometimes I like to call it "Personal Consciousness" as it is operating my life, my body.

Nirvikalpa State is a highly AWARE state, means Awareness of everything around me is there, while I am in this state, I face questions like, how come you not know that you ate breakfast today or what did you eat for breakfast today? Because Awareness means living beyond time, living in NOW/PRESENT. When I had breakfast I was 100% aware of it, and later information, experience about it is not needed, Mind is not there, so no impression was made. When you are asking me about breakfast which I had 6 hours ago, that is PAST and Awareness can only have access to Present. But still if TIME needs to be looked at, means if Time/Past/Future needs to be accessed for a Real Purpose, Awareness can easily do that, it may take few minutes to tune into the Time Channel. Awareness can get you answers about your past life, which was hundreds of years ago if it is genuinely needed, but you are only asking me something really silly like what did I eat for lunch? Mundane need not to be confused with Eternity like Life. Awareness is not meant the for mundane. Will you use Jet Plane to go to the office or you will go by car? This gives people a wrong notion that when one is in Samadhi or Absolute Consciousness State, they become forgetful. No, they do not, only to the mind it appears that way. And that too it happens when there is a SHIFT.

While I am in this Absolute Consciousness (or while it "IS"), I cannot describe the World, the Creation, neither can I describe my own body symptoms, or the Absolute itself. But yet there is Awareness, an all encompassing which is the seen, sight and the seer and I cannot call it "me/he/she/God/Divine" anything, something that operates body and life with Divine Love!

By the Love of Divine, I am here. 
For the Love of Divine, I am here.

~ Adiguru

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99,000 Sheep

There is a saying back home that "there are 99,000 Sheep while there are 5 Lions in a Jungle". Now as we all know Sheep lives in herds, large groups, have similar ideas and concepts of life and most importantly they all follow one another. Contrary to this Lions usually roams around alone, have very different ideas and concepts of life and they are independent beings for most of their lives. Lion's can't be domesticated and Sheep will never be called "WILD".

Is it Sheep's fault that she is born as a sheep or is it Lion's fault that it is born as a Lion? No! Being born the way they are now is nobody's fault. Sheep are born with FEAR as the Core of their Being, while Lion's are born with COURAGE as the Core of their Being.

Sheep builds a safety net around her life because the core of her being is Fear. They follow whatever principles or rules of life were given to them by the elders, they are super afraid to venture out alone and find out the TRUTH by themselves. Their idea of family or in other words security comes when the number of family members is at least 4, 6 or more, they never understand that 2 could be a family too. When entire jungle has only 5 or so Lions then 2 is a perfect family. Sheep have their own concept of happiness, unhappiness which is mostly derived by the hypocritical way of living or what they have been told by the society, elders or whomsoever and they rant a lot if they see anyone around not complying with their principles, concepts of life that they built out of their physical, emotional, mental insecurity. Sheep lives a mentally and emotionally boxed life, they maintain hard boundaries if not truly then at least to show their herd and society that they live in. They lack the courage to break any boundary of society, herd and their world. For Sheep there is NO TRUTH beyond what they have been told. There is NO Question of trying to find any Truth, just stick to the pre-designed life and go by the rules of society, elders, parents and the herd.

Hence they never find the Truth/Brahm/Self/That and end up living a fearful life.

Quite the opposite is Lion who's life revolves around Courage. Lion ventures out alone to unknown lands and is not afraid to find out what is there and face the Truth by himself. Lion's life is "free" of all concepts, notions, and principles of life, he builds them as he goes. Lion's do not follow one another and mostly have their territory marked by choice with strength. Lion's idea of happiness and unhappiness and family is not built up of what they were told by elders or any tom, dick and harry. By living the life they find out the meaning of life. Lion doesn't live a boxed life, his spirit soars high and he does roars high.

Now again, it's nobody's fault that a Sheep is sheep and lives out of Fear, and Lion is the emblem of Courage and Strength. They both are born differently, they both are poles apart in their life.

The problem comes when Sheep starts convincing and imposing their concepts, principles of life on Lion. Lion never goes around and imposes his principles of Courage on Sheep, because Lions can smell a Sheep. Due to fluffy ears and narrowly focused vision, it becomes hard for Sheep at times to spot a Lion. Sheep rants a lot you can hear them for hours going "Beh-Beh" non-stop, while you may have never heard a Lion roaring continuously even 5 times in an hour. Kids spend hours in zoo standing in front of a Lion to hear one roar of Courage.

The question here is are you a Sheep or are you a Lion? The answer to this will tell where you will end up with your Spiritual Path. How far will you ever go on your Spiritual Journey? If you are a Sheep forget about even starting the REAL Spiritual Journey, you will NEVER even find the door, or you may end up standing in front of the door, but will never find the courage to go in. And it's not even about Spiritual Journey, as a Sheep you will end up living a "suffocating, hypocritical" life based on your false assumptions and principles. If you are fine by this, go on, keep on living that way, nobody is stopping you. Lions do not need an army of Sheep, only Sheep want Lion to be on their side. Lion can understand Sheep's fear, but Sheep has no way to know Lion's Courage and Strength.

The day you are not fine by yourself living like that and you display fearlessness in life, Courage and Strength inside your heart, I will give you Shaktipath, I will take you with me on the path of Liberation/Moksha, the path to Realize Brahm!

Until then just live your life and do not preach any Lion!

~ Adiguru

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Love from Beyond

Till the time we have human life and a human body, it will be about Relationship and Love. Here I am not talking about the emotional love that we know and I am not talking about the relationship from the social standpoint.

I am talking about Love from Beyond, Universal Love and Relationship that is Multi-Dimensional. When one is Enlightened or Self-Realized there is no capacity left to love anyone just emotionally or even unconditionally because "condition" to be "unconditional" will still be there, hence it makes no sense. We cannot play with words forever and fool ourselves.

Universal love is beyond the body, mind, emotions and beyond Soul.

    Source: The Web

Universal love starts happening at the level of Cosmos itself, there is nothing personal about it. It first draws your attention towards yourself and pushes you to become "whole", be the Universe yourself and realize your own true nature as a liberated, immortal being. Once that is achieved and you embody your divinity then it starts pulling you in its direction straight away to have the heart-on collision, yes not head-on, remember head was exchanged for divinity through Self-Realization process. The energy starts changing around you and since you are already in the state of Love-Bliss most of the time it is easy to notice, you can't miss it.

Universal Love accentuates energy on you and slowly you start accepting the possibility of a Multi-Dimensional relationship which earlier in life might have seemed like a fairy tale. Dance of energy around goes on for some time until you say "yes I am ready". Still, you don't know ready for what and ready for whom, but that's how life unfolds and you trust that divine unfolding process. Saying "yes I am ready" is the phase one of this Universal Love. The changes of energy are very tangible and suddenly your etheric body starts mingling with that Universal Love energy, without any focal point as another human, though yet.

Below is how it actually feels like emanating from the Heart Center.

    Source: The Web

Slowly you start adjusting to this energy emanating from you and being around you most of the time. It is overwhelming and could be physically tiring after a couple of days. You start living, breathing, walking into this Etheric field. It's too much to contain and it ends up spilling all around and you become the compassionate being. You start sharing that love with others. This is phase two for Universal Love energy that you are pushed towards.

Now gradually this etheric field starts changing its polarity. If you are male this energy feels like feminine and if you are female then this energy starts taking masculine polarity. This change is so subtle that you can't identify it so clearly, because once you are Enlightened or Self-Realized you lose your own gender/polarity too from your mind, being-ness has no gender, hence recognizing another doesn't come that easy. It still is a Dance of Universal love in your Etheric field and there is nothing personal about it. Day by day you learn to live with this and you kind of stay lost in it, it feels like a fragrance that is all around you, within and without, as such Enlightened and/or Self-Realized ones do not know what is within and what is without, it's all an Ocean of Infinity.

After few months from the Etheric body, energy starts getting all the way down to your other layers of the body and it starts getting little personal. You may start seeing the Visions of a man or woman, you may start feeling as if you are in an eternal embrace with them, and you may start living with them in your Multi-Dimensional form. Upon seeing and hearing through visions, you may skip a heart beat or may be stunned for few days or may end up smiling. Slowly it becomes a bond unknown, love unknown, relationship unknown. Unknown only in the worldly sense, it's very much known to you, to the core of your heart, to the core of your etheric body, to the core of your whole being, how to call it unknown anymore, it becomes more Real and Known to you than any real human being in flesh and bones around you. It becomes Reality at another dimension, yes it is the play/leela of Consciousness, but heck even the physical body, all layers of the body and even energy are that too. When anyways Leela is being played, let it be played in the best interest of the Universe. So no need to doubt it or confuse it with your Self-Realization and no need to create a boundary for you. Many Self-Realized ones were Kings, Queens and Lovers afterward. Consciousness chooses each one of us to play accordingly just like different sounds comes out of different musical instruments, though sound/naad is one and is OM and only Silence is being played in different gaps in the form of music.

                                Source: The Web

Remember you became Androgynous, Ardhnarishwara yourself through Self-Realization process, but if needed for fulfilling the divine will you can manifest the half opposite polar embodiment in the real life to stand by your side, to be with you and you both can change the world and serve the divinity together. Shakti can choose to manifest Shiva externally and Shiva can externalize his Shakti in real human feminine form. When two such whole beings are trying to do this, it is bound to come out as a reality on the relative plane with roots in Ultimate Truth.

Alternatively, you may choose to just live your Ardhanarishwara state as the way I have described it is how the embodiment of masculine and feminine polarities or Balance of both worlds feels like. Eternal Love and Romance goes on within you in Ardhanarishwara state, every bit of life around feels romantic, each expression of Consciousness feels utterly romantic. Divine glow of yours and charisma keeps everyone around you enchanted and be pulled like honey bees on flowers.

If Mother Consciousness is choosing you to manifest Universal Love in the human form, accept it as Divine Will, do not doubt it, question it and a real tangible person will be with you after enough vibrations have been synchronized for manifestation.

~ Adiguru

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Universe is within you - Jagadhatri - Cosmic Mother

During my Self Realization days, when I as Pure Consciousness was in forever expansion, critical dispersion and I was going through the fear and pain of death, one day a strange thing happened. I was fearful, or you can say that last remaining I-Thought was fearful of losing itself, it's separate identity and I was sinking slowly in some very deep unknown beyond my mind's comprehension. I truly wanted someone to assure me that I am really not dying, while on the other side I really wanted to lose that battle and die for good, without knowing what may or may not happen as a result of this process, without being concerned whether I will be able to retain body consciousness or not afterwards. I was frantically looking for a sign or Guru or someone to tell me that "it's OK, it will be OK". Energy changes were torturous enough and my head felt like it will crack open.

In the midst of all this I sat quietly as if to meditate, and slowly saw myself expanding and becoming huge like entire Cosmos, and this expansion itself might have taken more than 30 minutes, as it seems like in total I was lost for more than an hour. Then I saw and felt all the planets rotating, revolving in me, around me, all mountains in myself, all rivers flowing within me, people, trees all around me, either I became the Entire Universe or we can say entire Universe was within me. I stopped breathing completely and lost all sense of "me as a separate entity". After an hour when I regained my senses, there was a very strong knowing that if I am the entire Universe then where can I go, what else can I be, what else can I not be? When did I not exist, where will I not exist? I am not leaving, I am not dying, not going anywhere because I do not exist anymore as I, I am the WHOLE, truly the Entire Cosmos I am, I never came into being as a separate entity and hence there is no question of death or departing of Soul to some other place.

This wasn't just a vision, this was the perception through my whole being. Afterwards, this new perception kept me going and I lost all resistance to my own death, death of last remaining I-Thought/Soul/Consciousness. This is what gave me so much inner strength that there was nothing else to question, neither the process, nor the energy, neither death nor birth. Fear and pains due to energy changes were still there, but deep within I was "with the" Self-Realization process. This perception of Universe within me was a major game changer for my spiritual journey.

Months after Self Realization it occurred to me that there is Goddess named Bhuvaneshwari, also called as Cosmic Mother, or Mother of Universe, or Jagadhatri who holds the Universe within. Did I see her, became her, who is there now to tell me that, but one thing is sure, Comic Mother helps us in the last lap of our journey to reveal us our own true nature, true form and that's how we finally lose all forms and sounds. Goddess Bhuvaneshwari when doesn't want us to see the truth we see her shadow side called "Maya/Ignorance/Illusion". With the blessings of this Shakti/Power the veil of Maya is broken and beings realize their true liberated immortal nature.

~ Adiguru

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Goddess Kali - Ultimate Transformer

Since childhood I was intrigued by Goddess Durga and Goddess Kali. Goddess Durga felt like Superhuman Mother to me and later in life I learned that I carry Durga archetype personality myself. But Goddess Kali just amazed me and I felt the ferocity of her as a demon slayer when I looked at her deity but in a way I always felt I cannot understand her true presence. Her presence as Shakti meant for something else, that I had no idea about. I never felt fearful though. Whenever I saw wrong happening in this world around me, atrocities with children, women, men, and crime against humanity I felt rage inside me and that rage often gave me inner strength to stand up and face the challenges of life. Those were the times I remembered Kali thinking that is how she must have felt seeing demons wreaking havoc all around and that's why her pictures, deity looks ferocious. She protects the good ones and slays the demons. She herself is all Darkness and Blue in color and only Darkness can fight the darkness. Goddesses are certain types of Shakti/Power in themselves.

Later while going through my Spiritual Journey I realized that Kali is the feminine form of Kaal/Time and she not only slays demons, she also diminishes Time. She is the one who takes us beyond time and space. Those demons are nothing but our Ego Heads that we carry around. The skirt of hands that she wears is the Karma that she takes from us and frees us from all bondage. She is the giver of Liberation.

Recently it came to me that I want to know Mother Kali in her true form as a direct experience. I learned enough through books and all, now I wanted real experience of Mother, specially wanted to see her true picture to find out does she really looks ferocious. So I sat down closed my eyes and called her. Slowly I lost my body consciousness and there appeared dark palpitating energy of the size of the Cosmos surrounded by white milky way galaxy sort of. That black energy within was moving, breathing, living, contracting, expanding with a HUM sound and it felt as if it is me, or the sense of me being other than Mother Kali was not there, I couldn't see, feel where was me and where was The Mother. Clearly my sense of place, time was also not there, neither was my body or anything as me separate from her existed in that moment. Then started knowing as if that black moving energy engulfed by white was talking to me, and said "The Dark Nothingness that you fell into right before Self Realization was Me/Mother Kali, you fell in my lap, you fell into me". Moving, living, breathing black energy was now talking.

Then came a very strong wave of Love, just pure unconditional love and tears started rolling down my cheeks. Overwhelmed I opened my eyes and slowly came back to my senses, still overpowered by love which stayed with me, as me for next 2 days and I couldn't be stunned more by it's presence, presence of Mother Kali in me or as me. What I saw looked like picture above to an extent, except that white milky way galaxy was very thin around the periphery and dark/black palpitating energy was occupying the major portion.

It occurred to me that She is the transforming force/power/shakti, she is the one who took all my karma, she is the one who gave me liberation, she is the one who took me beyond time and space, she is the one who helped me stand up in life for anything wrong, she is the one who devastates what is not suppose to survive, she is there when my external breathing stopped. She is the destroyer of our Ego, she is the destroyer of useless thoughts, and in the end she is pure love, unconditional love and she doesn't look like how we portray her, she loves us unconditionally and she saves us from the mire of Maya.

Mother Kali is the Ultimate Transformer!

~ Adiguru

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Play (Leela) by Consciousness

Consciousness reflects through in the form of the body, mind, and emotions and its play go on and on. As a result, one may achieve something in life and lose another and it seems like an endless play. No one ever seems happy and satisfied and the impermanence is the only permanence that one experiences. Life seems like a roller coaster ride. Regardless of how many lectures one gets, or knowledge one hoards about getting off of that roller coaster, only a few are able to make it safely, for most, it's a crash landing.

Is it anyone's fault?

At each and every step in life, we are exercising our choice. But the choices are often lead by inherent fears, attachments, and our need for more financial, emotional security which results in more suffering. Though to start with, those choices may be wrapped in a promising package. When life seems quiet the attention comes to Self, but that's what you all want to avoid and you go on planning and doing stuff which may not even be necessary, you make efforts to change the environment, circumstances, anything that's outside of you, and go on avoiding effort and time that is needed to change the inside of you. You want to make life happier by changing outer circumstances only.
Regardless of what choice we make, we are bound to suffer. But is the suffering really happening to the "Real You"? No, it is not. But damn it feels that way. There is no end to figuring out all the factors and be extra careful next time and all those negative, positive schools of thought. You can never save yourself permanently from the suffering, pain, you can only buy some time or actually waste time. The story is never ending. Why?

Because Pure Consciousness out of which this whole creation comes out is "never ending". Sea of Consciousness is Infinite and out of that comes out Infinite possibilities different realms, people, species, directions, dimensions, time, space and everything. Consciousness goes on playing forever through and as rocks, mountains, rivers, trees, animals, humans, angels, spirits and whatever else one can ever think of. There is no end to Experiencing and Knowing. There is no end to make life better by doing, doing, doing and knowing.

One must take a BREAK! For at least couple of years in life say "no" to external changes that unnecessarily involve you, prick your brain and in a long term vision of at least 10 years down the lane, seem sheer foolishness today. Take those couple of years to change the INSIDE of you instead, enhance the Quality of the Being who you are. Consciousness can play outward or inward, both are still the play of it, but through inward play, you stand a chance to achieve Peace, Bliss, and Love, your permanent states, your own immortality.

Once you turn inward, and someday find the "real you" through Self Realization, the play of Consciousness will still not end, but you will not be impacted by it. You will abide in Self, in Peace! After Self-Realization, Mother Pure Consciousness, Adi Shakti may choose to still keep playing through you as a Guru, or as Mr./Ms Unknown, or a Mystic or just a super ordinary person. it is not your choice, but you will not be affected. Earlier even though you were given choices, you still were not peaceful, so what is the point? Stop taking seriously outer circumstances and people in your life. Calm down and start your journey inward.

Later after Self Realization, Pure Consciousness will start the Cosmic Leela/Play through you in many ways!

~ Adiguru

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